using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
