I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
