if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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