she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
