I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
did i just pee glitter
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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