sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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