Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
