My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
