If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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