Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
