two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you would pick up someone in the library
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
