Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
