i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
