when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING