remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
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Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude