I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
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I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
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Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital