god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive