When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right