The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
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I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
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Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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