return my video game
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
