I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
