you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
