K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i will never coherently bang her
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
