He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
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You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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