Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
