I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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