you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
