I want to walk on stilts...naked
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
