I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
