When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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