I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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