she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
