How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
