When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
