i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whose ass print is on the piano?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The struggles of a small town man whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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