I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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