Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
