Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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