When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
