the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
