you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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