The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
