Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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