i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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