she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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