I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
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If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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