i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
