Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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