3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
