I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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