At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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