i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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