y did u give ur computer a hand job?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
