Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
