I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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