The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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