I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
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Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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