Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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