ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
