Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
