Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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