do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
