It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
