i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Vodka?
Forever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
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