Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
