How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Randomize
