those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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