So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize