your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
